Redefining Marital Submission

In this paper I want to attempt to redefine what godly submission looks like in the context of a marriage relationship. Though I think a more accurate way to put it would be to “restore” the definition of submission. In a marriage relationship, submission is not a negative term used to describe some kind of self deprecating, weak and sad process. Rather, a proper perspective on submission brings one to see it as a deep expression of our own relationship with our Creator.

When the average modern man, especially myself, hears the word submission, it does not trigger a positive reaction, but a feeling of oppression and a loss of thought or my own will for my life. Even more intense is the reaction of the average woman when the subject is brought up. I think the quickest way to clear a room full of women is for a guy to start talking about female submission. For many years the word submission has been associated with robbing women of their honor, dignity and respect. This has turned the word into something ugly in their minds.

Much of this paper is based on John Piper’s book “This Momentary Marriage”. One concept that weighed heavily on my mind is the idea that there is something better to be had in submission than that. Scripture shows us that true submission comes from true love. The submission of one’s own will, preference, gain or even safety isn’t done out of some begrudging obligation, it’s done out of a greater love for the one being submitted to. The Bible is full of examples of people setting aside their own desires to serve God, to serve their people, submitting to their greater mission. I think of Moses submitting to God‘s mission for his life, David submitting to God's call to the kingdom of Israel or Daniel submitting to the rule of Nebuchadnezzar in light of a greater vision to come. Whatever the cases, it was the ultimate an unending love of God that drove them to such submission.

When it comes to us now, we have been given the ultimate expression of God‘s love and favor for us when He came Himself to this earth as a man. Jesus came, and through His work on the cross showed the greatest example of what true love and self-sacrifice is. At the same time He gave us the greatest example of what submission for the sake of others truly looks like. Both angles are examples for us now. Christ's submission to His mission is a humbling reminder for any of us that we are not promised happiness or comfort as we also submit ourselves to our king’s mission for our lives, but it’s His love shown through this sacrifice that draws us to desire His will more than ours.

Now finally to the marriage relationship. For any man who calls Christ “Lord” we are led to submit to Him in every way, we are led to set aside our own will for the sake of His mission and for the sake of others, and especially as we are blessed with a wife. If a man is to represent Christ in a marriage he must be willing to set aside himself up to and including his own life. For the woman, while an ideal man is preferred, it is not required for her call to submit to her husband as though he were Christ himself. Again this is not to say that a woman is robbed of her free will, or her dignity as a woman, rather she is being called to an even higher level of dignity as she submits to the true lover of her soul; Christ himself.

As a personal reflection on this, I approach the subject again from a single man’s perspective, eager for the privilege of representing Christ in a relationship as I pursue Him in my own life. It would be my heartfelt desire and prayer to develop my character as a man to a point where a woman wouldn’t feel as though submission for me is some sort of robbery for her, but rather a joy. After all, if she truly believes that I am “for her” The way Christ is for her, fully devoted to her refinement in the gospel, and to serve her will rather than himself; wouldn’t that be somebody worth submitting to?