The Broken Garden

Victory in Broken Hallelujahs

Everyone wants to feel good right? We all want to be doing things that make us feel fulfilled, things we are called to do, things that play to our strength and goals for our life. When we talk about serving in our local church or in some sort of missional setting, we often talk about the joy of service, or the fulfilment we have from it. We approach much of our time in our faith community with a goal in mind to stir up powerful positive feelings about God, about those around us or about ourselves as well. Many times, one would get the impression that the entire goal of our discipleship journey is to get “spirit high” as often as possible, and the lack thereof is a symptom that something is going wrong. When it doesn’t feel good, when we don’t feel close to God or to others, when the ministry we are serving in gets tough, when the spiritual high sensation is far off, we begin to fall apart. The lack of deep positive feelings toward God, toward others or to ourselves makes us question our condition, our calling, our relationships, and even our faith on its face. We feel broken, distant, incomplete and hopeless. We are discouraged in our walk and can feel like withdrawing to our self, disconnecting from our church family or give it up altogether.

But something sounds off about this right? Is this how the gospel works? Are we to measure our walk by how enthusiastic we are about it, or by what our emotional condition is? Are these accurate indicators or determining factors for our commitment to serve? Does having the Joy of the lord mean that we will be happy all the time and blind to the discomfort or difficulty of our day to day life or within the context of our call to service? I want to say no. I want to make the case that says our walk as disciples can and will include both good times and bad times, times when we are feeling good and times when we feel empty. There will be times that we experience great personal fulfilment from the success of our efforts to serve, and there will be times when we don’t feel that at all. There are many examples of this, but the point in total is to say that our walk with Christ is about so much more that our feelings about it. Our walk with Christ and our part in His mission is about exactly that…His mission.

To break this point down more, I want to look into scripture at a pivotal point in the story about the life of Christ; the garden of Gethsemane. This was the night Jesus was arrested by the Roman soldiers, and the night before he was beaten tried, mocked, hung on the cross and gave up his life there. We pick up the story in chapter 26 of the book of Matthew.

Matthew 26:36-46

36 Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” 37 And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch[d]with me.” 39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” 40 And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44 So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. 45 Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on.[e] See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”

This was the “calm” before the storm. As Jesus leads his disciples to pray on his behalf that night. And as Christ goes off to pray on his own, he says that he is deeply troubled, even unto death. As he speaks with his Father he asks if there is any other way for this sacrifice to be done, referring to the payment for sins, the punishment Jesus would be taking on himself the next day. Jesus was about to be put through some of the worst physical pain that history has record for, and he knew it, he predicted it. He was about to be unjustly sentenced to death by the very people who championed his arrival to Jerusalem just days before. He was about to be abandoned by the only people He would call friends in his life and what’s worse than that, he would be paying the spiritual penalty for billions and billions of sins of people all across the world and through time. The weight of what he was about to do must have been unbearable. It says in Luke 22:44, that it was so much emotional stress on him, that he literally sweat blood. This is a documented response to extreme stress called hematohidrosis; capillaries below the skin can burst causing the appearance of sweating blood. But what is His ultimate response to all of this strain? He says, “your will be done”. We can imply from this scene that Jesus was not exactly thrilled about what he was being called to do. He was not eager to suffer the beatings, the betrayals or the weight of sin the way he would soon take on himself. This wasn’t fun for him. He asked for this to pass from him. He did not “want” to do it. He did not “feel” good about it. And he would, through this act of obedience, feel the most profound break and separation from the father that anyone could imagine. Having been eternally connected as 1/3rdof the trinity, He would soon experience the tearing separation form Him. We don’t even have the mental capacity to fully process what that fact truly means, but we can know that it was not pleasant to say the least. By the false measures of spirituality I outlined above, Jesus was not doing so well with his faith right?...wrong. It was actually in this time that the most powerful spiritual victory in history was actually won. It was in utter suffering, that the unconditional love of the father was shown to the people Jesus suffered for. It was in absorbing the beating that nearly killed him that such mercy was shown to humanity… set against him. It was in death that the true lengths God was willing to go to show His love was displayed. And it was in utter darkness and separation from God, that the greatest spiritual victory was claimed. This is exactly why Jesus says “not my will, your will”. See, even though everything in his humanity wanted to flee from what was about to happen, He was obedient to the calling that was in front of him. His mission for his life was greater than his own human self-preservation. It was in broken obedience that Jesus secured the greatest victory.

I’m reminded of short passage of scripture found in the book of Ephesians 5:1-2. It says

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

If we are to be imitators of Christ we can’t pick and choose which parts we want to imitate, it’s a package deal. Jesus had both great moral and spiritual authority, exercising great restraint and great wisdom in his life. He was kind and generous, loved the outcast and brought hope to the hopeless among many other things. But we often forget about the broken obedience Christ showed when he was tempted by the Devil in the desert, or when he was rejected by his own family and city. A foremost, when he made the long and painful journey to the cross on our behalf. It is in those times when we gain a clear picture of what it means to follow and imitate Christ fully, even in our own affliction. While Jesus did withdraw in order to pray to His Father, He did not withdraw from His mission. To be very clear; it was in his brokenness that the mission was fulfilled. The brokenness of Jesus only added depth to the true weight of the mission he was on. If this was an easy and painless thing that Jesus was easily able to do with no reservations, it would not carry the same weight as this true sacrifice and suffering of it does. And we can take hope from this, that even in our own affliction, our struggles, our doubts and fear, we can press on to the end knowing that Jesus has already won the war against the eternal enemy of sin and death. We can press on knowing that our broken obedience will be leveraged by the same Jesus, to bring depth to our character, and light to the world around us. It is in the times of deep struggle that we get to see the hand of God move mightily in our lives. It is one thing to be all about Jesus when life is going well for us, it is another thing altogether to trudge on in spite of our circumstance for the glory of the kingdom. In our brokenness, we are fully dependent and are solely aimed at our calling rather than our own glory.

So, the question remains then, how do we develop that kind of spiritual grit, to stick to our guns in the face of circumstantial and spiritual opposition? The answer is simple; Jesus. And no, not the cliché Sunday school answer to all of our problems. I’m talking about the real Jesus, the powerful one who was made low on our behalf. The Jesus that conquered, utterly decimating sin and death on our behalf, securing eternity for believers and sealing the victory over evil forever. This beloved, broken but powerful God in Jesus will change who we are. As we turn our eyes and our minds toward him, study him, talk to him, sing to him, and immerse our self in a pursuit of intimacy with Jesus, we will be transformed from the inside out. The grit we are looking for, and the determination we are seeking in our life is the fruit that comes form a mind renewed by Christ. It’s not something that comes out of our own efforts or discipline…victory is in Him and Him alone. Our role is to simply participate in the ways he has given us, and the change will come.

If you feel unsure, doubtful, discouraged, broken and weary. If you are being challenged in ways that you believe are too great for you to continue, you can simply say “Halleluiah”. For the victory is already won, your place in eternity is already secured in Jesus, and there is no challenge or enemy on earth that can change that outcome. As we rage against the currents of our life here, we can rest in our soul knowing that we have been called by something so much greater than this. When we are called to sacrifice, to take risks, to give everything up, perhaps including our very life, we can stand firm in the knowledge of our savior and press on in our brokenness only displaying the power of Christ to move the immovable. As Jesus wept in the garden before his crucifixion, He tearfully approached the greatest victory in all of human history. And as we weep, justifiable so, we can also know that there is nothing ahead of us that can ultimately defeat us and take us from our father’s hand. When Jesus’ body was broken and dying on the cross, He was unlocking eternity. When we feel broken and face our own threats, we can know that eternity has already been unlocked and the doors flung wide for us as well. And in Jesus death he brought true life to the world. In our own death weather in circumstance or in our literal death, we can know that our life has only just begun.

So, let us press on into the heart of the enemy, with our fears, insecurities, weakness and tears as our company. For in spite of them, we will take ground for the kingdom and Glory of God, and our salty tears only add to the sweetness of the victory that we will expose through our broken obedience.