Why Church is Loosing Teens

Cultures war on teens

We are loosing our teenagers in the church in general. Statistics show that a large percentage of kids who grow up in the church end up leaving it in college. On top of this vast majority of decisions to follow Christ are made early on in life. There is both a great problem here as well as a great opportunity. We must recognize the urgency here, to take the necessary steps to truly reach the next generation. Yes, they can be frustrating, selfish, disrespectful, irritating, irrational and impulsive and even scary, but it is part of our responsibility as believers, and our calling as youth leaders to take the time, chance and risk of reaching out to our teens. My heart breaks at the thought of having the opportunity to be a voice of encouragement and truth to a teen, and missing it.

I recently interviewed several teenagers who either have left youth programs or are thoroughly disillusioned with the high school program they are currently in. It was incredibly eye opening for me to hear such strong confirmation regarding things I had suspected were true, but had never taken the chance to ask them. Culture truly is at war with our teens, the devil is real and he wants nothing more than to scorch any kernel of faith that may be developing in our teens. He wants to wear their faith like a medal as he did mine. But his weapons are not of wood or steel, they are social pressures, educational stress, expectations placed on them, the desire to fit in and be cool, the drive to be regarded as skilled or valuable, beautiful, smart, fun, funny…..The list and scope of challenges to their young faith is long, but the potential for them to thrive in it is even greater if we recognize this.

So what are the greatest stresses on kids these days? According to the teens I spoke with, their biggest stress is academic performance. There is so much pressure on kids to succeed educationally and go to a big college, earn the money and be a “success” that it drives em nuts. College prep seems to begin when the kids are in middle school. The homework loads are enormous on them and the teachers are stretched thin as well. It is no wonder why so many kids are discouraged and drop out all together. On top of this, we are now facing a time when the sacrifice of educational success does not likely yield a career of equal and opposite significance. In other words, our kids mortgage their future for a career they can not even count on having. Pretty lame.

Next is social status issues. No one likes being the outcast. Weather it is dating, hobbies, music, drugs… any number of social issues can be a problem for them. It stems from the fact that we expect the kids to act like “good little Christians” while the world around them is acting like…. something else. They feel left out, un cool, and lame. It is not hard to see how a teen may come to resent their Christian upbringing if it is the thing that seems to be holding them back from all that the world has to offer. Following Christ seems like a big wet blanket of all of this other fun stuff the world has to offer. The world says go, we say stop. The world say borring, we say enriching. The world says fun, we say sin. It is counter culture in many ways to follow Christ and if we do not mentor our teens to understand the bigger, eternal picture the temptations presented by the culture may just win.

Also worth mention is the educational system philosophy in general. While there are many Godly teachers in the school system slugging it out for God, the vast majority of teachers are not interested in things of the Bible. Things of faith are rarely discussed in school and if they are, it is often in a very condescending way. In addition to this is the prevalence of science and philosophy that is very much in opposition to Christian belief. And this is coming from people who are elders, educators, respected and generally trusted by our teens. This can lead teens to question and doubt their beliefs as they are challenged. In fact, spirituality and faith are encouraged unless that faith is in Christ and the Bible. Many teens are made to feel like uneducated mental peons, when their cover is blown in the school system.

One more layer to this. Our culture in general is sliding further and further into a state of hostility to the Gospel. We are hoping to minister to our teens, and steer them toward truth, when so many other forces are pulling them away. Social media, movies, music, trends, fission, pop culture, drug culture, sexual promiscuity, you name it. These things are constantly tugging and tempting them to fall away, and in many cases, the bible and our teaching becomes irrelevant or is seen as legalistic restriction on things that “everyone” is doing. In many cases the pressure is so great, and the defense so inadequate, that they choose to give in altogether to the culture. The desire for teens to fit in and be relevant, cool, popular or liked is great. The unpleasantness of being seen as different or weird is unbearable if it is not couched in an understanding of the greater Gospel we proclaim.

So how are we doing with these things as teen leaders? This is surely a tall mountain to climb and I have not painted a very encouraging picture of it, I know. But these are things we must face, if we are to answer our calling to minister to these teens. I have not been to each of your youth groups or Awana programs but the general sentiment among teens is that we are missing it. The words used to describe youth group to me by the teens I spoke with were “irrelevant, repetitious, phony leaders, just another program, impersonal, same old stuff, generic and boring. They complain that it seem like adults think they know everything about us without taking the time to ask us any questions about ourselves. They also feel like most adults find them irritating, scary, immature and like a waste of time. I have heard it said that kids min is great until they hit their teens, then forget about them until they grow up and just hope they stick around. There are those of you out there who are sold out for teens and truly do care about them, but may feel overwhelmed by the daunting task of navigating the rocky waters around them. In either case, there must be a radical reversal of attitude toward our teens and the ministries they occupy.

I also asked them to tell me what they would most desire in youth leaders or youth programs. They told me things like “I want someone to know who I am, not just know my name, but really know me”. Thye said “I want to be able to ask any question or bring any doubt up without feeling like a disappointment”. They also want leaders who are real people and not “phony church people”. They want people to take the time to know their problems, to ask them real questions and actually care about the answers. They want people who love them enough to disadvantage themselves, be vulnerable and do life with. Someone to call at 2:00am with a crazy question or problem. Someone they can say anything to and not be afraid of scarring away. They want to be talked to like people, not kids and they want us to talk about the issues they are concerned about; the last ones we feel like going into.

It is no coincidence that it seems what they are describing they most want in teen ministry is a perfect definition of strong Discipleship. They are looking for adults who will do life along side them, and be truly broken for them, care for them, pray for them, push them, hold them accountable and just love them like the precious image bearers they are. How are we doing at this? It is easy to produce a program, gather curriculum, do a good talk about the same old stuff and send them away without really connecting. What is difficult is to do true, Christ like discipleship, especially in the context of Awana, or a youth group. It is also hard to find leaders to do this as well. Why? Because it means investing real time, energy, being vulnerable and confronted with things you may feel ill equipped to handle. But realistically one person can only handle a hand full of real discipleship relationships. Even Jesus, the son of God, only had 12 guys that He did most of His discipleship with, and even then one betrayed Him. So we can’t expect ourselves to beat that. I have found that one person can only effectively disciple 4,5 or 6 others, while doing watered down discipleship with others as well. This is why replication is so important. We must always be looking for people who can also bear this burden and help them in whatever ways we can to equip them to do this as well.

Ive had kids ask me some of the most heavy duty theological questions you can think of. Things like, “how do we know God is real”, or “why is the bible better than any other book”. “why is Christianity the right one”. Questions about dating, bullies, evolution, teen drama… you name it. And I do my best to answer the questions, or direct them to people who can, but it is not even the answers I give, or the theological prowess I am able to demonstrate, it is the fact that I am there to listen and care that counts. One of the guys I am discipling told me that “if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have anyone I could go to with this stuff”. That’s huge. Our best chance for defending faith, encouraging growth and inspiring these teens is authentic discipleship.

This may seem difficult to incorporate as many programs are very rigid and short on leaders, and may in itself feel overwhelming to think of applying. But time is short. We only have a few short years to help these teens out before they are expected to fly off into the great blue yonder and be champions of the faith. We need to be sold out for these kids, see them for the blessings they are and do whatever may be necessary to answer this calling. We can’t miss this! We need to go back to our programs and change what needs to be changed, recruit leaders like the army recruits soldiers, throw our tiered curriculum, take off the “all together’ church mask and be real with them. We need to know these teens like the want to be known, find out who they are and what they have on their minds. We need to disadvantage ourselves for these teenager because they are worth it.

Ryan Weber

9-29-2015